Article: In the Valley of the Shadow of Faith: A Renewed Approach to Doubt

By Selfshift.

I do not write for those who are sure of faith,
But for the confused - those whose thoughts
Are fingers that scratch the dirt for some promise
Of ease from the hunger for understanding,
Whose emotions churn desperately for revelation,
And whose own light is continually seen dark.

A Vast Plain of Unknowing
There is so much we do not know. Our physical unknowing is as big as the universe. Our mental unknowing is as deep as each person’s thought. Our spiritual unknowing is as abstract as our unknowing of God 1.

We are uncomfortable in our unknowing. Much of our unknowing, however, is irrelevant to our day-to-day lives; thus relieving us from this discomfort. But during difficult times, our unease becomes palpable. As days go by, it grows in strength. And as this feeling becomes a habit -- a part of our way of life -- we begin to feel our lives spiraling loose of its meaning. Until finally, the full-force of our unknowing hits us, coming to us as the big questions we have tried to evade or set aside, such as, "Does God exist?" "Why is there suffering in the world?" “What is my spiritual path?” These questions are what religions -- or any form of philosophy that deals with such questions -- seek to answer.

A Call to Faith Under the Pain of Doubt
All philosophies that attempt to answer the big questions are a call to faith. Religion is a call to faith. And if you have an individualized path, it is also a call to faith. But let’s face it. The answers to the big questions can be questionable themselves. More than certainty, what these philosophies espouse is a call to soul -- a resonance from deep within your being of truth. (Author’s note: I consider truth as multi-faceted and kaleidoscopic. Recall the story of the three blind men describing an elephant.)

For many religions their version of truth is absolute and inviolable. When we were children, we can but only accept these truths unquestioningly. It is unfortunate that we had also accepted the judgments associated with doubting these truths. When we doubt, we deem ourselves unworthy and even deserving of some punishment.

Doubt, then, becomes a burden, moreso because it cannot be flushed away. It is alive. It explores avenues we would rather not delve into. It creates emotional pain and confusion.

It also does not help that when we convey our doubts to others, we realize that they themselves are incapable of handling doubt. They shift in their seats, and they reply evasively. Or they may just dismiss our sentiments rudely and abruptly. Worst, they may hold their image of us as dangerous and heretical.

The easy availability of a plethora of philosophical and religious ideas can also deepen our agony: We tend to become defensive of our faith when it brushes against other people's faiths. But when our exasperation with our doubts escalates, we begin to wish for the kind of illumination and peace that others have. In this setting, doubt creates a barren valley surrounded by mountains of faith, along with all their peak experiences. There is the enlightenment of Buddhism, the nirvana of the Hindus, the sainthood of the Christians, and the oneness of the Taos 2. The testaments of their followers tower over us, with our doubts only pulling us down.

There is More to Doubt
With all the pain and confusion, we tend to forget that the faith we have may not be ours. Faith is not the acceptance of unchallenged beliefs simply because they were all we knew when we were growing up. And even if we have changed beliefs during our lifetime, our personal declaration of faith is still not equivalent to having the faith itself. A shaker of foundations, doubt asks each one of us to be honest: "Do you really believe in what you say? Is your faith already yours? Or worse, is your faith misplaced? Others have faith because they know at their core that it is true. But do you?"

We can perceive at this point that doubt, though seemingly undesirable, has surprisingly presented itself with a gift: honesty in our declaration of faith. Doubt has been strongly associated with the negative, the undesirable, but we can re-vision our idea of doubt into something positive. Using psychological terms, doubt is faith's shadow. And like all psychological shadows, if we are willing to look, there is at the end some gold.

The Gifts of Doubt
Doubt's gifts come in the form of a deeper understanding of the nature of faith. Consider these gifts that it has to offer:

First -- as we have been keen to realize -- doubt demands honesty in our faith. This gift of doubt, however, would be hard to accept when our doubts trigger judgments and fears, simply because no one can figure out this faith-and-doubt puzzle except ourselves.

Second, faith defers to experience. Joseph Campbell once said, “I do not need faith. I have experience.” Faith is nothing if our experience is opposite to our faith. There are times when our personal experiences seem to test our faith. But we must be willing to consider the opposite view as well: that maybe our experience calls for us to change our beliefs. In this situation, we must have the discipline and patience to assess our beliefs and experiences. And this experience is not limited to outer experience, which is based on the five senses. It also includes inner experience. Without the resonance of faith in our soul, we become blind followers, devoid of the spirituality that our faith is supposed to give us.

It might also be argued, "But my faith creates my experience and not the other way around." As long as we have the experience of faith creating our experience -- be mindful of the play of these words -- then we do not stray from the core of what the second gift of doubt is all about.

Third, there is a harmonious exchange between doubt and faith. In this regard, there is a need to go beyond the semantic meaning of doubt and faith as antonyms. There is always room for doubt in faith; and faith and doubt can co-exist. The line that separates faith and doubt, in this aspect, is blurred. Because if faith defers to experience and if in our experience there are so many things we do not know, then almost everything in our faith is open to doubt. Bertrand Russell had once stated that "nothing...can disprove the hypothesis that the world began five minutes ago" along with our memories of "a wholly unreal past." It seems that our faith has a lot going against it.

But in all practicality, we hold to our versions of faith. It is needless to doubt everything in our lives. For example, what would it mean to doubt gravity? Gravity is here now, but it doesn't mean it would be here forever. So why be sure that it will be here tomorrow? This kind of questioning is basically pointless because we cannot go about our daily lives wondering if gravity will fail us the next moment. How much more when it is applied to our faith, which is almost always likened to the ground from which we stand on? Is it not also pointless to doubt everything about it?

There is practicality involved in the tug between faith and doubt. The way we lead our lives, our goals, and the purposes that have been set up for us are all important on what we decide to cast doubt upon and on what we decide to have faith on.

Fourth, doubts, when stripped of judgment, are merely questions. Perhaps this is the most important gift of doubt. Questions tear our walls of limitations. Questions invite growth. Isn't it revealing that when children ask questions about anything, even about faith, that we see the child's restless curiosity, his/her openness to knowledge, and his capability to wonder. Interestingly enough, doubt is not uncomfortable in its unknowing, but instead finds in mystery a source of dynamic delight.

Honoring Our Doubts
Looking at these gifts, it is only right that we honor the place of doubt in our lives. When doubts surface, doubts surface -- repression is anathema to doubt. For most of us, there is no longer an associated danger with the expression of doubt, so there is also no need for us to condemn, box, and hide it. Doubt's liberation from morality and judgment is dependent upon our honest evaluation of ourselves and of doubt's effect on our social environment. Is it the intention of doubt to cause us or other people pain and confusion? The gifts of doubt strongly answer, "No!" Doubt opens us to growth, and most of us need this growth. But to grow is to change. And pain and confusion come about by any change, any metamorphosis. We cannot forcefully stunt our growth just to protect other people from inconvenience.

In our religious literature, doubt is oftentimes expressed as a means to an end and not as an end in itself; doubts are valid if and only if it serves to affirm the faith in the end. This approach, used to advance the agenda of a particular faith, is, however, antithetical to the very existence of doubt when applied to our personal experience. We cannot preclude doubt's questions with an answer we cannot yet accept. Again, this is merely a result of doubt encumbered with judgment. To free the gifts of doubt, we must loosen our grip from our intellectually predetermined answers.

For most of our doubts, our questions, there is no answer. We should always be cautious of answers anyway, because they are limiting and confining. But we need not feel lost; because in finding the answers, we can still have faith in ourselves, in our critical thinking, and in our evaluation of our experiences. We can figure the answers out, or if not, we can figure out how to live with the questions -- which can only happen if we accept doubt as our inner capacity to see the mystery and spirit inherent in the universe.

Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart. And try to love the questions themselves.” -- Rainer Maria Rilke


Notes:
1. The term “God” is used here in an abstract sense, not necessarily the monotheistic Christian God, and can refer to any other terms such as The Universe, God and/or Goddess, All That Is, and any of the polytheistic deities worshipped in any religion.
2. Of course, there are many other peak experiences not mentioned here.